--------------------------

Malapropia

--------------------------

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

17. Every calendar's days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

--From lara's funny photo fwds.

-----------------------------

In its latest Collegiate Dictionary, it added the word "McJob" and defined it as "low-paying and dead-end work." In an open letter to Merriam-Webster, McDonald's Chief Executive Jim Cantalupo said the term is "an inaccurate description of restaurant employment" and "a slap in the face to the 12 million men and women" who work in the restaurant industry.

Cantalupo is a little late in his indignation. According to Dictionary.com, the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition, included the term with essentially the same definition in 2000.

-----------------------------

Yogi Berra-isms

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.

It gets late early. (Referring to the late afternoon shadows in left field Yankee stadium.)

If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them.

It ain't over till it's over.

It's deja vu all over again.

No wonder nobody comes here: it's too crowded.

We have very deep depth.

We made too many wrong mistakes.

You can observe a lot by just watching.

Mrs. Lindsay: "You certainly look cool." Yogi Berra: "Thanks, you don't look too hot yourself."

Ninety percent of the putts that fall short don't go in.

Anybody who can't tell the difference between the sound of a ball hitting wood and a ball hitting concrete must be blind. (Referring to an umpire who was deciding whether a ball was a home run or in play.)

Asked for the time, Yogi once asked: "Do you mean now?

Little League Baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.

I couldn't tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on it's head.

Yogi Berra on seeing a Steve McQueen movie: "He must have made that before he died."

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.

You better cut the pizza in 4 pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat 6.

Finally, Yogi disputed that he had uttered all the malapropisms that had been attributed to him. "I really didn't say everything I said," Yogi said.

--Compiled by Tom Mahony

-----------------------------

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF.

Therefore the higher you are in the corporate structure the smaller your balls.

From lara's funny photo fwds.

-----------------------------

Thank you for your visit.